Wolf Brother: What really happened
by Blackie Shell Paws and Furface
Summary: Just a parody of what happened, in which Torak is quite silly. Rated T because I'm paranoid and Torak eats some horrific stuff. No satisfactory ending because I couldn't think of anything funny enough-nothing is worse than what I make up when idea-less
1. Chapter 1

Wolf Brother: What _really_ happened

Disclaimer: I do not own Wolf Brother!!!!

Author's note

_**Hey everyone!**_

_**I wrote this story with a little help from my friend neddingtonanime1, and we both hope that you enjoy it! Please note that it can be a little disgusting at times (not in a lovey-dovey way). Also, this is not a serious novel, and that is why the chapters are so short.**_

_**Thanks! And don't forget to review!**_

_**Furface xxx**_

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Chapter 1

The teddy bear lay on the floor staring vacantly at the sky. How my best friend was capable of such evil, I did not know, but it was still his fault that Fa was now lying on the floor, shaking. Tears fell from his grinning face, and his chest rose and fell with merriment.

"Fa? How? What happened?"

"I. Tripped. Over. Your. Teddy!" He said in between puffs of laughter. Laughter of pain of course: my father cried whenever he was happy and laughed whenever he was in pain, like everyone else I knew (Teddy).

Fa screamed as I accidentally stabbed him with my knife (which I was using to apply the death marks).

"See? It's all better now!" His face was grim, his chest still heaving, he looked so much better than he had been a few seconds ago.

The oil dripped from my greasy hair onto his clothes as I packed my stuff and prepared myself to leave.

"Wait! Torak! Remember your guide will find you!" I raised an eyebrow (well I tried to, but the other one rose as well). I waited for him though. I wasn't even allowed to get food (whenever I asked, he stayed silent). After a few weeks of no food or drink, I decided to leave.

"Bye, Fa, I have to go now, I can't wait for you any longer, you'll have to catch up later." I unintentionally kicked him as I left. He didn't even grunt.

"Are you blanking me?" He said nothing. I kicked him again and ran off, crying.

I ran for a day straight, and ate whenever I was hungry. My foot provided a large supply of edible stuff: mould.

I sat down, panting. Fa's spirit had been chasing me all day. Moving from tree to tree, it could follow me quite easily. It had nearly caught me too, a few times. But that was only because I had crashed into a tree. The memory was vivid, the leaf had lashed at me constantly for one minute. The leaf that Fa had possessed. I shook my head sadly.

'Argh, I'm hungry' I thought, so I pulled up my foot and licked it, grateful for the pus that quenched my thirst. It was a delicious meal, my fith one of that hour. I had had breakfast at the crack of dawn, immediately followed by lunch, tea, snack, nibbles and dinner (the meal I had just eaten).

'Torak! That's not five meals! It's three!' My brain told me. I thanked it and started on my dessert (some mud I had picked up).


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I have never, will never, do not, own Wolf Brother

Author's note

**_Hey! If anyone is reading this, then thanks, much appreciated :D Please review if you can!_**

**_Furface_**

Chapter 2

I was woken by an ominous howl.

'Wild horses!' I told myself, and I went to search for them.

I was shocked to find a wolf cub making the noise. I stroked it and it nibbled my hand. I took my hand out of its mouth to find it bleeding badly. There was blood in the cub's mouth as well.

"Wolf, that was not nice!" I had named my nails 'Wolf', "Poor cub!" Luckily, the wolf seemed fine.

Suddenly, the wolf's eyes went red and were filled with purpose. I gasped, this was my guide!

Or had Fa said 'hide', as in furs to wear? I took out my bow and arrow, even though the prey was close enough that I could use a knife.

My aim was perfect, the arrow hit me squarely in the eye. Perfect.

Wait, wasn't the wolf my prey? Anyhow, I had two preys now, marvellous! Fa would've been proud if he weren't blanking me…

I got out my back up weapon (magnetic darts) and shot at the cub, sadly, my darts hit his legs.

"Why must you be bigger than me, little cub?" It glared at me happily.

"I'm an adult wolf, not a cub!" The wolf said.

"You're a cub! No need to be embarrassed by your youngness!" He growled in embarrassment.

"I am 20 years old, older than you!"

"Well I'm cleverer! I speak wolf!"

"No you don't, you understand me because _I_ speak _human_!"

"No need to be embarrassed by inferiority!" I tutted. The cub growled again.

"It's really OK, no need to be embarrassed." But he didn't stop growling, so I began to stroke him. The cub raised his paw to tell me he was OK. He hadn't quite gotten to grips with himself though yet, and his claws came out.

A large gash appeared on my arm.

'I wonder where that came from.' I wondered, but I soon forgot about wondering, the cub was running away and I had to find it before it got lost.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I still don't own Wolf Brother

Author's note

**_Hi again! Thanks again if you are reading this! Enjoy!_**

**_Furface xx_**

Chapter 3

I ran for a day straight (just like I had when I had left Fa). This cub would not stop.

"Come on human! This isn't a trap! I'm not leading you into a trap!"

"Good good." I smiled, remembering when my father had said a similar thing, I had ended up stuck up a tree which was surrounded by a hoop of fire.

"Nearly there!" Cub reassured me (for I had christened him with some mud from my potty) as I fell into a ditch. I got out of the ditch and nodded to show him I understood (I was behind him, but Fa had taught me that fur was made of eyes, so Cub's tail fur could see me).

We emerged into a camp. A crow was sitting on an old man's arm. Everyone was eyeing me suspiciously, none of them tried to hide how much they loved me.

"Welcome to my home, crow people." I gestured a lot because Fa had told me that not many people were as brainy as me.

"S'up with this new blad?" A fat girl with no hair, multiple hoop earrings, a crop top, body piercings, no skirt and bone tattoos all over her asked.

"I'm Torak, and you are welcome here. You may stay." I gestured for her to go make me a five course meal.

"I am Fik-Hedded. This is _my_ home, and you are not welcome. He gestured a lot too, scaring the crow which flew into a tree. I shivered, the bad signs just _kept_ getting worst.

"This is my territory!" I told him firmly, then, to prove that I was boss, I picked up a dead caterpillar from the floor and hit him with it. I missed, but the current of air knocked him over. I heard a few gasps from the audience.

"Massive!" The fat girl said, "You fought him wiv air!"

"I know." I replied, doing a victory dance in a _very_ non boastful way.

"You are the chosen one! The one mentioned in the prophecy!" A random girl said.

"Have you been reading Harry Potter(a _very_ good set of books by JK Rowling) lately?" I asked.

"'Read', what's that?" I tapped my nose knowingly, but ended up picking it. I then spat on my hands to wash them.

'Thank God for hygiene!' I told Torak, who agreed.

"So, you _are_ the chosen one?" The fat girl said in a somewhat chavvy voice.

I nodded, because it was obvious that I _was_ the chosen one.

"OMFG! You spoke silently! You _must_ be the chosen one!" I nodded again, then walked away as she began to hyperventilate.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Wolf Brother

**Author's Note**

Hi everyone! I'm sorry for the late update, but I didn't have enough time to upload it. Sorry! Enjoy!

Neddingtonanime helped me with this chapter too ;)

Enjoy

Furfacexxx

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I woke up with a dry mouth.

"My mouth is dry, fetch me a drink. NOW!" I flailed my arms restlessly as a five year old went to fetch me a drink.

"Here, filthy tokoroth." The boy spat at me lovingly. I took the drink from him.

It was clear and odorless. I put my finger in it. The mixture immediately turned black. I quickly removed my finger to find it a peachy skin color.

"What _IS_ this?" I demanded for an answer.

"Water. Purified water."

"What's _THAT_?! Are you trying to _poison_ me?"

"No! Of course not!" The boy was on the verge of tears. Tears of evilness and sinful plotting. I was lucky to have seen through his plan.

I got up, taking a dead caterpillar with me as a weapon, and began to run. The forest met me gratefully, and soon, Cub was by my side.

"Torak? Why are you jogging on the spot?" The fat girl asked.

"What? I'm running like the wind...Fast...Free…" I lost my track of thought as I imagined what it must be like to be a cow.

I was slapped in the face by an impatient fat girl.

"Ow, Fattie! What was that for?"

"My name is Renn! Not Fattie!"

"No need to be embarrassed by a weird name!" I tutted, " I mean, I'm called Torak! Tour-ak! But I don't care!" She shook her head in agreement.

"We need to keep going, Fattie!" I remembered as she slowed to a walk, "They're plotting to kill me!"

"No they're not, you're wrong! I need to lose weight though…." And she sped to a sprint. A very quick sprint, quicker than mine at least (she ran at an astonishing 1m/h).

We stopped by a small stream to drink some dirt and eat a few worms. Fattie ate salmon cake, because she objected to 'disgusting' (her word for posh) food. Halfway through my three hour meal, Cub came to take his share.

"Where were you?" I asked him.

"Laughing at your slow running from 3m away!" He replied.

"Of course…" I sounded nonchalant, but really, I was becoming so scared: Everyone had taken to lying to me.

"Torak, beddy-pies!" Fattie shouted from a few feet away.

"If you say so, Fattie dear!" I winked at her flirtatiously and grinned my charmingly non-toothy grin before putting my potato sack over my head to go to sleep in.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Wolf Brother (and I never will)

**Author's note**

Hey everyone!

Thanks for reading my story! It means a lot to me! A special thankyou to all those of you who have reviewed or favourited this story!

Thanks again!

Furface and neddingtonanime x

Chapter 5

"Torak?"

"Yes, Fattie?"

"Why are you sidling over to me in your potato sack?"

"What?" I asked 'confusedly'. I was going to make her my girlfriend.

"You're moving towards me suspiciously."

"Don't you _lurrrvveee_ me?" I batted my eyelashes beautifully.

"Not quite."

"Oh." I shuffled back to my original place: It's hard with a potato sack covering your head.

"Torak?"

"Yes, Fattie?"

"Firstly, my name is Renn. Secondly, Fik-Hedded said we need to save the clans from an evil mouse by asking for help from the spirits. We need the nanuak."

"OK." THen I had an amazing idea on how to win her over, I was going to remember her name!

"Fattie, what's your name?"

"Renn."

"Thanks!" Then she began to snore.

'Perfect,' I thought. I picked off a long piece of my nail and scooped up some mud form my potty. Then I tattooed 'NNER' across her forehead.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi, again, so the other version of this chapter was terrible and slightly too long for such a bad chapter- so here's the new version.

Furface x

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Chapter 6

After Renn discovered her tattoo, she had thanked me so nicely (she had spat "_Thanks_, Torak, _thanks_ a lot!"). So she obviously loved it.

We had 'raves.'


	7. Chapter 7

Hey again! Just as I promised- my new chapter :) This one was entirely Neddingtonanime's, so don't congratulate _me_ on her amazing work :) If you want to send her a comment about this chapter, then please send it to her deviantart page (just search 'neddingtonanime' on deviantart and it should come up with some of her stuff- then you can go to her page and comment on her 'wall')! I'm sure she'd really appreciate hearing your feedback :)

Furface x

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Chapter 7

It had been several weeks since Fa had blanked me. Even so, just the thought of this terrible tragedy made my face contort with grief.

"Torak!" Screamed Renn, "Why do you look so constipated?"

In my inner pain I ignored her. My eyes fell on Wolf who was drowning in a puddle.

"Wolf!" I cried, and slithered towards the puddle on my belly. Unsheathing my knife, I grabbed Wolf's tail and tried to cut him free of the water. My flailing hand missed the puddle and I stuck the knife into my wrist instead.

"Oh well," I said to myself, "Now I have a new storage place for my knife!"

Wolf looked at me nonchalantly stepped over my bloody hand, and squashed my head into the mud instead.

Suddenly, I could not breathe. I needed air.

But then, covered in brown muck, I saw it. Two white eyes were staring at me.

"THE NANUAK!" I thought, and I reached out with my hand to grab the slimy thing. I held it tight in my hand.

But...It was so far to the surface, maybe a few millimeters or two. I moved up agonizingly slowly. It seemed to take hours, days, weeks even. My lung were bursting for air. I had no hope. But then Renn grabbed me by the hair and out of the deathly puddle. But my hair was so slippery with grease that she let go and I collapsed onto the ground.

Then my attention turned to the thing in my hand.

It was small and slimy, and it glistened with mud The odor that came from it was so floral and sweet that it made my eyes water with happiness.

"OMFG!" Screamed Renn at the top of her lungs.

"What?" asked Torak.

"It's a fish." She said, "It's exactly as the ancient poem says:

Slimy and dead, and smells like a flower,

Yellow and withered, and tastes kind of sour

So dirty and oily it will make you cower."

After a few moments of thinking, she added, "So, there are 10 nanuak. We need to find them all or we will all die from the wrath of the bear! Got it?"

"Yes." Nodded Torak knowingly. And swallowed the fish, he needed to keep it safe. Or else.


End file.
